im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
