That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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