do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
