dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
