youre lurking in front of me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize