the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
