The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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