Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
