Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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