Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
