I wish you could order shots online.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
