U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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