I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
