i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What a dumb baby whore.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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