Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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