this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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