Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Of course I have a pirate flag
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
