She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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