Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
