i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
