Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
