Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
