He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
