shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize