he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
