I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
