Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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