I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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