Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
