3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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