You made me cry and you don't even care
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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