Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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