Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
