Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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