How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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