forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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