if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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