i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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