my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just cropdusted the office
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
