its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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