I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
