Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
