if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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