Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
