Already got asked if we're dating
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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