I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
