there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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