Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
