Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
