Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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