I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I came so hard my ears popped.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
