I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I would ride that face into the sunset
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize