Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He did a backflip because drugs
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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