hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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