Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There r osticjed everywhere
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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