chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I cockslap morals
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
