a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize