I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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