so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
