rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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