guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im part way to drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
