overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
