she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize