I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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