I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
