We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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