He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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