Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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