some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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