i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
