Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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