I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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