Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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