I think I died a long time ago.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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