areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They took my balls.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
