from now on my penis is your penis
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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