escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
