we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
