On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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