a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
